Have you ever felt anxious for no clear reason, overwhelmed by everyday life, or disconnected from yourself and others? Do you notice patterns of feeling either constantly “on edge” or emotionally shut down? These experiences aren’t random – they are signs of your nervous system at work.
Whether you identify as a highly sensitive person, are healing from trauma, or struggle with emotional regulation, learning how your nervous system works can help you feel more balanced, resilient, and empowered to care for your emotional well-being. Polyvagal theory offers a powerful roadmap to understanding these shifts, showing you how the nervous system responds to safety, stress, and overwhelm.
understanding polyvagal theory: Learning the Language of Your Nervous System
As a licensed clinical psychologist, I am passionate about helping clients learn the language of their nervous system and develop a deeper awareness of emotional patterns. In this guide, we’ll explore the three main nervous system states, how they shape your experience, and practical tools I use with clients to help you move toward greater ease and connection in daily life.
Feeling safe is a fundamental survival need, and your body has an intricate system designed to support that need—the autonomic nervous system (ANS). Every moment, the ANS subconsciously scans your environment for cues of safety or threat, a process known as neuroception. Unlike our ancestors, who relied on this system to detect physical dangers like predators, most of us today are not running from bears. Instead, the nervous system responds to more subtle threats—an unread email, a tense conversation, or even a certain tone of voice—triggering shifts in your physiological state.
Polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges in 1994, offers a map to understand these shifts, providing a framework for recognizing how your body navigates between states of safety, activation, and shutdown. Gaining insight into these patterns allows you to develop greater self-compassion, regulate emotions more effectively, and begin healing wounds from times when your basic needs for safety and connection were unmet. By learning to interpret the language of your nervous system, you can begin to work with it, rather than feeling at its mercy.
At the core of this theory is the vagus nerve, the key player in how you experience safety, mobilization, or disconnection. The ANS operates through three primary pathways, each influencing how you feel and engage with the world:
- Ventral vagal: The state of safety and connection
- Sympathetic: The state of mobilization and stress
- Dorsal vagal: The state of shutdown and disconnection
Learning how your nervous system works can help you feel more balanced, resilient, and empowered to care for your emotional well-being.
The Three States of Your Nervous System
Let’s explore each of these pathways and how they shape your experience.
Just as a traffic light signals whether to stop, go, or proceed slowly, the nervous system has its own signaling system, and you move in and out of these different states throughout the day depending upon how safe or threatened you feel. These shifts happen automatically, without your conscious awareness, and can have a profound impact on your emotions, thought patterns, behaviors, and even your physical health.
The ventral vagus system is active when you feel safe and connected. It allows you to engage with others, feel at home in your body, and experience a sense of ease and openness. In this state, you may notice relaxed facial expressions, steady breath, warm eye contact, and a deeper engagement in conversations. As clients access this state in session, they often describe finding it easier to access creativity, curiosity, and playfulness, in conjunction with a sense of trust in themselves and others. In some cases, ventral vagal activation can also be the first response to mediate threat through social engagement, such as empathic listening, appeasement, or negotiation.
By learning to interpret the language of your nervous system, you can begin to work with it, rather than feeling at its mercy.
When the nervous system perceives threat and social engagement does not suffice, or the threat is purely physical, you move into sympathetic activation, a state designed for action whether that is fighting, fleeing, or simply feeling on edge or restless. This active threat response is characterized by mobilization including behaviors such as kicking, screaming, or running. However, in daily life, where physically running or fighting is often not an option, sympathetic activation may show up in subtler ways—an elevated heart rate during a stressful meeting, shallow breathing while reading an overwhelming email, or restless fidgeting in response to an uncomfortable conversation. These physiological shifts signal that your body is gearing up for action, even if no physical movement occurs.
If you successfully resolve the stressor, you can move back into the ventral vagal state of connection. However, if the stressor persists without successful resolution, your body will move into the dorsal vagal system state of shutdown, a protective response that slows everything down. This state is characterized by feelings of heaviness, exhaustion, numbness, or disconnection, as the body conserves energy in the face of overwhelming stress. In daily life, dorsal shutdown may not always look like complete collapse; instead, it can manifest as moving through the day on autopilot, completing tasks out of necessity but feeling emotionally distant or disengaged. A person in this state might struggle to feel present in conversations, experience a sense of fogginess, or withdraw from social interactions—not necessarily by choice, but because their nervous system has shifted into self-preservation mode.
Recognizing Your Nervous System Patterns
Do you notice signs of being in sympathetic activation or dorsal vagal shutdown? You are not alone! The nervous system is constantly shifting, moving in and out of regulation, throughout the day. This is a normal process, but challenges can arise—both mentally and physically, when you become stuck in sympathetic activation or a dorsal vagal state of disconnection.
As a licensed psychologist who draws upon polyvagal theory, the first step toward helping my clients improve regulation is awareness. Simply noticing that you are in a dysregulated state can open the door to more compassion, gentleness, and curiosity—all of which support nervous system flexibility. A simple practice is to name what you are experiencing in the moment. You might say: “My heart is racing,” “My hands are sweaty,” or “My shoulders feel heavy.” Once you’ve identified these sensations, ask yourself: What nervous system state am I in?
To make this more personal, I invite clients to describe these states in their own words. Some examples include:
- Ventral vagal (safety & connection): sunny, golden yellow, open
- Sympathetic (mobilization & stress): stormy, fiery red, electric
- Dorsal vagal (shutdown & disconnection): cloudy, faded gray, underwater
Practicing labeling can help you develop a deeper connection with your nervous system’s patterns and signals, allowing you to recognize how shifts in state influence your body, behavior, thought patterns, and perceptions of yourself and the world. As you tune into these changes, remember—you are always in control of how much attention you give to your body’s sensations. At times, the most compassionate choice may be to gently redirect your focus or use a supportive tool to bring greater ease and regulation.
Honoring your capacity is an essential part of self-awareness. With that in mind, let’s explore a few practices that can help when you feel overwhelmed or when mindful observation doesn’t feel like the right choice in the moment.
The Three States of Your Nervous System
Let’s explore each of these pathways and how they shape your experience.
Just as a traffic light signals whether to stop, go, or proceed slowly, the nervous system has its own signaling system, and you move in and out of these different states throughout the day depending upon how safe or threatened you feel. These shifts happen automatically, without your conscious awareness, and can have a profound impact on your emotions, thought patterns, behaviors, and even your physical health.
The ventral vagus system is active when you feel safe and connected. It allows you to engage with others, feel at home in your body, and experience a sense of ease and openness. In this state, you may notice relaxed facial expressions, steady breath, warm eye contact, and a deeper engagement in conversations. As clients access this state in session, they often describe finding it easier to access creativity, curiosity, and playfulness, in conjunction with a sense of trust in themselves and others. In some cases, ventral vagal activation can also be the first response to mediate threat through social engagement, such as empathic listening, appeasement, or negotiation.
Simply noticing that you are in a dysregulated state can open the door to more compassion, gentleness, and curiosity—all of which support nervous system flexibility.
When the nervous system perceives threat and social engagement does not suffice, or the threat is purely physical, you move into sympathetic activation, a state designed for action whether that is fighting, fleeing, or simply feeling on edge or restless. This active threat response is characterized by mobilization including behaviors such as kicking, screaming, or running. However, in daily life, where physically running or fighting is often not an option, sympathetic activation may show up in subtler ways—an elevated heart rate during a stressful meeting, shallow breathing while reading an overwhelming email, or restless fidgeting in response to an uncomfortable conversation. These physiological shifts signal that your body is gearing up for action, even if no physical movement occurs.
If you successfully resolve the stressor, you can move back into the ventral vagal state of connection. However, if the stressor persists without successful resolution, your body will move into the dorsal vagal system state of shutdown, a protective response that slows everything down. This state is characterized by feelings of heaviness, exhaustion, numbness, or disconnection, as the body conserves energy in the face of overwhelming stress. In daily life, dorsal shutdown may not always look like complete collapse; instead, it can manifest as moving through the day on autopilot, completing tasks out of necessity but feeling emotionally distant or disengaged. A person in this state might struggle to feel present in conversations, experience a sense of fogginess, or withdraw from social interactions—not necessarily by choice, but because their nervous system has shifted into self-preservation mode.
