Therapy for Male Survivors of Trauma IN NYC

you’re not alone

Traditional masculine gender roles hold men to a high standard. Society expects men to always be strong, confident, and independent. In the supposedly “ideal” man, there’s little to no room for weakness or emotion.

While this ideal is seen as admirable, in truth, it goes against basic human nature. When humans are stressed, emotion is a basic and natural response. Being able to acknowledge these emotions openly is an integral part of addressing unresolved issues or trauma, but many men resign themselves to the ideals society has set for them. Instead of accepting their human nature, they attempt to hold themselves to unrealistic standards and constantly suffer the fear of violating these perceived norms. 

As a man, you might have grown up to believe that you’re infallible. “Men can’t be survivors of abuse because they can’t even be abused — their strength wouldn’t allow them to be.” 

However, trauma doesn’t pick its victims. The definition of trauma covers an expansive range of adverse experiences and can vary from person to person, and men are as vulnerable to it as women are. Traumatic experiences can look like:

• Emotional abuse — Often a more subtle form of abuse, which you may not realize has occurred until someone points it out to you. For example, living with a parent or loved one with a personality disorder can leave you feeling isolated, trapped, depressed, or suffering from complex PTSD.
• Traumatic events — Events such as the death of a loved one, a near-death experience, being in war or combat, etc., can leave a lasting mark on your psyche.

• Domestic violence or physical abuse — Despite society’s misguided ideals, male victims of physical abuse exist. 1 in 4 men has experienced physical violence (e.g. pushing, shoving, slapping, etc.) committed by a partner. 1 in 7 men has experienced extreme physical violence (e.g. strangling, burning, beating, etc.) committed by a partner. 1 in 25 men has been injured by a partner.

• Sexual assault or sexual abuse — Many people, including men themselves, don’t believe that men can be victims of sexual assault or abuse, which can lead to survivors feeling invalidated and trivialized. Sexual assault or abuse can take the form of any unwanted sexual advances (be it physical, verbal, or written), often involving threats, force, or a power imbalance between the perpetrator and the victim.

Unfortunately, these statistics likely suffer from a lack of reporting due to the stigma surrounding male abuse. Many men don’t identify or struggle to identify their abuse as such, because society’s standards of “strength” and “weakness” have become deeply ingrained in their self-image.

If you’re unsure that you’ve experienced trauma, it’s helpful to learn the signs of what you’re going through and how you can get out of the situation.

Even when you feel like the things you’ve experienced may have overwhelmed your ability to cope with them, you may be hesitant to label them as trauma. “How do I know if I’ve experienced trauma? What if I’m just blowing an issue out of proportion and it’s all in my head?” 

Often, male clients may enter therapy for relationship concerns. They come to us with questions like “Why do I keep cheating on my partner? Why is it difficult for me to open up or get close to someone else? Why do I feel trapped in my relationship?” Later on, a past history of trauma surfaces. 

It’s important to understand that trauma looks and feels different from person to person. If you’re suffering from problems like PTSD, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger management issues, or substance abuse but are unable to pinpoint their cause or resolve them in a productive manner, you may want to consider seeking professional help.