Gottman Method Couples Therapy in NYC

You may have heard the name John Gottman before. After spending countless hours observing couples in his research lab, he reports being able to predict with up to 90% accuracy the likelihood of divorce in couples. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the frequency of couples’ arguments, but rather how couples argue that has the most impact. 

Gottman published his research findings on The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse which identify four major behaviors that are highly predictive of relationship dissolution. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It is based on extensive research conducted by the Gottmans at their Relationship Research Institute. The approach focuses on helping couples build stronger and healthier relationships by enhancing friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning.

It emphasizes the importance of building trust, increasing emotional connection, and developing effective communication skills. The Gottman Method uses assessment tools, interventions, and exercises to help couples improve their relationship satisfaction and overcome challenges.

Additionally, the Gottman research uncovered several key findings about relationships. Some of the major findings include:

• Emotional bids: The research showed the importance of responding to each other’s bids for connection and emotional support. Couples who are successful at this have stronger relationships.
• The magic ratio: The Gottmans found that for a relationship to thrive, the positive to negative interaction ratio should be at least 5:1. This means that for every negative interaction, there should be five positive interactions.
  
• Enhancing friendship: The research emphasized the significance of building a strong foundation of friendship in a relationship. This includes spending quality time together, showing appreciation and fondness, and engaging in shared activities.
  
• Perception of the relationship: The Gottman research highlighted the significance of how couples perceive their relationship. Positive perceptions, such as feeling satisfied and valued, are linked to relationship success.
  
• Conflict management: The research revealed important skills for effectively managing conflict in relationships, such as active listening, understanding each other’s perspectives, and finding mutually satisfactory solutions.

These findings have formed the basis of the Gottman Method and are integrated into the therapy approach to help couples improve their relationships.

The Gottman Method is designed to support couples in all stages of their relationship journey. Whether you’re newly dating, long-term committed, or experiencing distress, we can assist you in strengthening your bond and creating a more meaningful connection. With our years of experience, we tailor this treatment approach to suit your unique circumstances, ensuring the best possible outcomes.

Common concerns that the Gottman Method can help with:

• Communication difficulties

• Frequent conflicts or arguments

• Mistrust and lack of transparency

• Intimacy and emotional closeness challenges

• Resolving lingering pain from past infidelity

• Navigating the complexities of blended families

• Co-parenting and differing parenting styles

• Financial stressors impacting the relationship

• Sexual compatibility and satisfaction

• Navigating major life transitions together

• Cultural or religious differences causing tension

• Managing anger and resentment in the relationship

• Rebuilding trust after betrayals or breaches

• Addressing emotional or physical abuse within the relationship

• Coping with infertility or reproductive challenges

• Overcoming relationship ambivalence or uncertainty

• Supporting a partner with mental health issues

• Enhancing emotional intelligence and empathy

• Strengthening a long-distance relationship

• Dealing with issues related to aging or changing priorities

While the Gottman Method is highly effective for most couples, it may not be suitable for those dealing with severe mental health conditions that necessitate immediate intervention. Additionally, individuals struggling with addiction or those who are unwilling to actively participate in the therapeutic process may find other approaches more appropriate. We’re here to help guide you through your options and help you find the right path towards healing and growth.

In a Gottman Method couples counseling session, the therapist’s role is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where both partners feel validated, heard, and understood. Through empathy and expertise, the therapist guides the couple in addressing challenges, recognizing harmful patterns, and acquiring essential tools for a successful relationship. 

You can expect to learn effective communication skills, and conflict resolution strategies that foster emotional connection. The therapist observes dynamics, identifies negative cycles, and will guide you towards healthier alternatives. They facilitate exploration of deeper emotions and underlying issues, while ensuring progress and alignment with your goals. Ultimately, the therapist plays a pivotal role in fostering growth, offering guidance, and empowering couples to build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

Trained Gottman couples therapist may draw from the following techniques:

• Love Maps: The therapist may use specific questions to help each partner gain a deeper understanding of the other’s world, including their personal history, dreams, hopes, and fears.

• Emotional Regulation Skills: The therapist will help partners develop emotional regulation techniques to better manage their own emotions during conflicts or challenging moments, enabling them to remain calm and engaged.
  
  
• Relationship assessment: The therapist may use various assessments, such as the Relationship Checkup, to evaluate the strengths and areas for growth in the relationship. This helps guide the therapeutic process.

   

• Conflict management skills: Couples therapists trained in the Gottman Method teach partners effective communication and conflict resolution skills, such as using “I” statements, active listening, and compromise techniques.

   

• Strengthening friendship and intimacy: The therapist helps couples build and maintain friendship and intimacy by encouraging shared activities, positive interactions, and fostering a sense of admiration and appreciation for each other.

   

• Repair and recovery skills: Partners are taught techniques to repair and recover from conflicts or negative interactions. This may include strategies like taking timeouts, offering apologies, and practicing forgiveness.
  
  
• Developing rituals and routines: The therapist assists couples in creating meaningful rituals or routines to enhance connection, trust, and intimacy within the relationship. This could include daily check-ins, date nights, or shared hobbies.
  
  
• Increasing positive interactions: Couples therapists focus on increasing positive interactions between partners. They may encourage partners to express gratitude, engage in acts of kindness, and show appreciation for each other regularly.

If you’re not quite prepared to begin therapy but would like to learn more about the Gottman Method and fostering healthier relationships, we encourage you to explore the following resources:

• “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: Backed by research studies with real couples, this book provides practical advice and strategies to enhance marital satisfaction and improve communication.

• “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson: Delve into the science of love and attachment and discover transformative conversations that deepen emotional connections.

• Gottman Institute Blog: Visit the Gottman Institute website for a wealth of articles and resources on relationships, communication, and strengthening emotional bonds.