Trauma bonds are complicated- both psychologically and biologically. You do not get into them by “choice” and you do not stay stuck in them by choice. Getting appropriate therapy and connecting to safe support is a crucial aspect of recovering from trauma bonds. In this post we’ll explore how to break a trauma bond and the actions you can take to start healing.
A trauma bond is a harmful connection that forms between two people, often a victim and a perpetrator. The aftermath of even just one abuse cycle is so much shame and self-blame. Eventually, you fear being left more than being harmed. But the hopeful truth is – you can leave. Trauma bonds are not impossible cages to escape from. With the help of safe and trusted care, you can learn to leave your abuser behind for good.
Our current models of diagnosing and treating trauma are mostly during the post-traumatic phase. Protecting people from post-traumatic symptoms is an important part of this work, and we can best do that if we intervene as soon as possible- and we can only intervene if someone is capable of seeing that they are living through active distress.
Boundary setting is a keystone to a healthy relationship- do you struggle to set boundaries or follow boundaries set by others? Maybe you act clingy towards your partner. Maybe you spend too much time alone. You might constantly seek validation and approval, or you might tend to remain aloof and not dependent on anyone — even your partner. These behaviors all stem from people’s individual attachment style. Identifying your own attachment style may help you figure out (and solve) your problems with setting boundaries.
Fear is a normal reaction to trauma, it’s your body’s way of protecting itself from danger (or perceived danger). Managing fear and coping with C-PTSD can help to reduce stress and anxiety.
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